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How to be proficient in Emotional Intelligence


Emotional intelligence is the skill that makes us more successful, more productive, and even makes us better leaders.

Whenever I asked my friends and fellows about emotional intelligence and how can we develop emotional intelligence? and do you have a clear concept of how to be proficient in emotional intelligence? Mostly they get stumped or confused.

Let’s talk about emotional intelligence…

Most people have an ambiguous concept about emotional intelligence through EI is widely recognized as a significant indicator of performance. 90 percent of top performers score high in EI.

According to my point of view, there are three main approaches to emotional intelligence (EI) which can clear the concept of EI, benefit you to go further, and apply it in your workplace. With this skill, you can gain visibility as a strong emotional intelligence contributor with real leadership potential.

What is emotional intelligence -EI?

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, practice, and manage one’s own emotions as well as others’ emotions. It depends upon three skills.

  1. Emotional awareness
  2. Ability to harness emotions
  3. Ability to manage emotions

With these three skills, we can identify our emotions, and apply those emotions to our tasks and it also includes both regulating our emotions and helping others to do the same.

We interact with numerous people on daily basis like team members, management, etc, we should understand the range of others’ thinking, and feelings and how they process their information. Ensure that the interactions should be positive and productive and lead to the best possible outcomes.

People with high emotional intelligence are better leaders, well skilled at creating connections and motivating others as well studies have shown this. Those who work with them get inspired, engaged, and ultimately better performers. Needless to say, employees with strong EI skills are more likely to be sought out for opportunities and leadership within a company.

Also read: How to change your life now easily

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Here is how have I pulled together my three best practical approaches to hone your EI and position yourself as a top leader in your organization.

Identifying your own emotional state, this first strategy is around emotional self-identification and self-awareness which is the ability to comprehend your feelings and yourself. In fact, we are not particularly good at articulating our emotions, and this creates a problem, especially when we might emotionally react to something or to someone or any pressurized situation that we are navigating or perhaps confrontation or conflict that weren’t expecting. The reaction is not the solution here we have to be aware of it what’s going on in our minds and body in those moments.

Psychology directs that how you experience your emotions is likely a replication of your childhood life experiences, your aptitude to manage your core emotions like anger, sadness, fear, and joy often depends on the quality and consistency of the attachment you developed with your primary caretaker as a baby it’s quite fascinating when you start looking into this stuff so having self-awareness of what you are experiencing at any given moment is key to understand how emotion influences your thoughts and your actions.

Why is Emotion the blend of energy and motion?

We daily experience our high-energy emotions like anger and excitement and sometimes low energies like calmness and sadness, these energy states manifest as being either high-intensity or low-intensity. Psychologists will usually use these two dimensions positive or negative and high to low intensity to distinguish emotions. So, we have to plot our emotional state knowingly.  These emotional dimensions affect our physiological state ask yourself a question in an angry state at high intensity can we shift this state to a more productive one?

The positive side of high-intensity positive emotions includes excitement elation and ecstasy and low-intensity positive emotions include being calm, serene, and content. Even though high-intensity negative emotions include anger, anxiety, and fear, low-intensity negative emotions include sadness, boredom, and tiredness.

However, we have to learn first to recognize energy states, then self-coach and ask ourselves a thoughtful question what made me feel this way? what was I triggered by?

This is especially helpful when it’s a negative emotion that you are experiencing when you think in this way. It helps you to create immediate distance from whatever the source of the emotion was and will aid you to realize what may have controlled you to that emotions and help you mentally into a more positive state and remember there are only emotions, reactions are good or bad to your emotions.

When somebody talks to us our teammates, customers or manager practice two things

First, don’t only listen to what they are sharing with you by saying or what comes out of their mouth, however, their physical expression their tone, and all of the nonverbal cues that they are using, will give you an insight into what feeling and how emotional state might change from moment to moment.

Be inquisitive and a good listener instead of just taking something at face value, ask them a question what led you to make that decision? or what was the thought process that you went through to come up with that idea?

By this technique, you go behind what’s being said to uncover the drivers of motivation.

It will unlock their feelings and thoughts, here you will be able to put yourself in their shoes taking on their perspective and seeing the world through their eyes.

This technique will enable you to not only connect on a far deeper level with people but to actually offer assistance and support to those who need it a big part of seeking to understand is putting all judgment and prejudice aside and being present there.

How to be proficient in Emotional Intelligence
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How can we build a bond that makes our relationship more effective and enjoyable?

For this, you should be better aware of your own emotional states.

  • Pay attention to their nonverbal cues and tap into where they might be coming from and what might motivate them.
  • The next step is to focus to work with others socially and professionally.
  • If you disagree with someone on something, do not immediately react, be aware of your nonverbal communication.
  • Your expression and the shine of your face are emotional parts of you, the brain is always on so even if you try to ignore it others might be picking up on it, you won’t be aware of what you are projecting because you may unintentionally be communicating something that you don’t want to.
  • You also have the ability to pick up on when situations are stressful and then skillfully bring humor to help relieve stress this might be relevant to work during a stressful meeting or even for yourself in your personal life.

A sense of humor and laughter brings our nervous system into balance, reducing our stress and anxiety increasing a feeling of calmness, and sharpening our mind. Release dopamine, and make you more empathetic.

  • Always find an opportunity to grow while you face a conflict or confrontation,
  • Seek to understand what brought about the disagreement and what the nature of the conflict asks
  • Look beneath the surface to understand the interests that other people are protecting
  • See things from their point of view
  • How can you encourage others to shift their perspective
  • Separate yourself from the situation emotionally by taking a step back
  • Realize that any conflict is an opportunity for you to grow as a person
  • These are the few practices to hone your EI skills to be able to spot yourself for career development and leadership opportunities.

Read more: How to master your action

Written by Noshin Paracha

An Educationist, Entrepreneur, Designer, and Innovator
Founder/CEO Maymaar Educational Foundation
Principal/Owner Stepping Stones International School


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  1. Noshin, very nicely put. Our emotional intelligence is critical to each of our lives, especially those aspiring to become strong effective leaders in the “new world”. Daniel Goleman and Stephen Covey had many things in common, one of them was the synergies between having strong EQ and applying Cove’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. For example: Seek first to understand then to be understood is Empathy; Sharpen the Saw is Critical Reflection and greater self-awareness; Synergize is one’s ability to communicate with clear, well-thought-out messages to build rapport and trust with others by aligning oneself to their audience; and so on. I’ve developed techniques that I use in my coaching to help my clients strengthen specific EQ competencies as well as their overall emotional intelligence. For example, Stop, Breathe, and Think before speaking engages self-control and our ability to hit the restart button in our Amgdalyla to avoid a fight, flight, or freeze reaction and quickly align ourselves better with our audience. Daily morning mindfulness drives focus & discipline and creates positive energy setting one’s intention for each day allowing us to pay attention to what is most important throughout our day, etc.

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